Mental stability

That last year has been pretty rough. Between family drama, work drama, and my ongoing battle with manic depression and anxiety issues, I feel wrung through like a dirty dish towel.

And I am finding it harder and harder to just bear with it at times. It swings. And when the stress gets higher, the swings get more extreme.

I am begining to feel the mental threads of my brain start to tear and fray one by one. Hear that? That was the second to the last thread holding together my empathy for humanity. Oh, watch as that pitiful shriveled lump of abused empathy swings so precariously off my cerebellum.

As it swings to the left, I feel calm and peaceful, secured in the knowledge that I am good at my job and are recognized for it. You need a cake last minute, Ma'am? Sure thing! I am feeling good and confident and helpful at the moment.

 How can I help you today?

But as it swings right...

 I SHALL SMITE YOU!

YOU CAN ALL GO FUCK A HORSE YOU HORSE FUCKERS! You see this face? This face here? This is my I DON'T GIVE A SHIT FACE! If you wanted a cake for your oh so special kid's birthday THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU WAIT UNTIL THE DAY OF THE PARTY?! Can I make you a cake? NO I CANNOT! The best I can do is write the kid's name on the cake. YES THEY'RE FROZEN! We're not as lucky as Wal-Mart as to have five decorators on staff to constantly fill and refill the cake cake. SO WE MAKE DO! So you either get a frozen cake I made yesterday or YOU GET NO CAKE AT ALL!

And to the lady who ordered the cake with pink and blue snowflakes. Oh? They don't look like snowflakes? WELL I DID MY FUCKING BEST! I SAID I WOULD DO MY FUCKING BEST WHEN YOU ORDERED! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT FROM A GROCERY STORE BAKERY DAMMIT!

*snap*

Oh...there it goes.