As a change of pace from my glorified self pity how about we all goggle at my cakes and you tell me how awesome I am. Or how much I suck...please say nice things.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Mental stability
That last year has been pretty rough. Between family drama, work drama, and my ongoing battle with manic depression and anxiety issues, I feel wrung through like a dirty dish towel.
And I am finding it harder and harder to just bear with it at times. It swings. And when the stress gets higher, the swings get more extreme.
I am begining to feel the mental threads of my brain start to tear and fray one by one. Hear that? That was the second to the last thread holding together my empathy for humanity. Oh, watch as that pitiful shriveled lump of abused empathy swings so precariously off my cerebellum.
As it swings to the left, I feel calm and peaceful, secured in the knowledge that I am good at my job and are recognized for it. You need a cake last minute, Ma'am? Sure thing! I am feeling good and confident and helpful at the moment.
But as it swings right...
YOU CAN ALL GO FUCK A HORSE YOU HORSE FUCKERS! You see this face? This face here? This is my I DON'T GIVE A SHIT FACE! If you wanted a cake for your oh so special kid's birthday THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU WAIT UNTIL THE DAY OF THE PARTY?! Can I make you a cake? NO I CANNOT! The best I can do is write the kid's name on the cake. YES THEY'RE FROZEN! We're not as lucky as Wal-Mart as to have five decorators on staff to constantly fill and refill the cake cake. SO WE MAKE DO! So you either get a frozen cake I made yesterday or YOU GET NO CAKE AT ALL!
And to the lady who ordered the cake with pink and blue snowflakes. Oh? They don't look like snowflakes? WELL I DID MY FUCKING BEST! I SAID I WOULD DO MY FUCKING BEST WHEN YOU ORDERED! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT FROM A GROCERY STORE BAKERY DAMMIT!
*snap*
Oh...there it goes.
And I am finding it harder and harder to just bear with it at times. It swings. And when the stress gets higher, the swings get more extreme.
I am begining to feel the mental threads of my brain start to tear and fray one by one. Hear that? That was the second to the last thread holding together my empathy for humanity. Oh, watch as that pitiful shriveled lump of abused empathy swings so precariously off my cerebellum.
As it swings to the left, I feel calm and peaceful, secured in the knowledge that I am good at my job and are recognized for it. You need a cake last minute, Ma'am? Sure thing! I am feeling good and confident and helpful at the moment.
How can I help you today?
But as it swings right...
I SHALL SMITE YOU!
YOU CAN ALL GO FUCK A HORSE YOU HORSE FUCKERS! You see this face? This face here? This is my I DON'T GIVE A SHIT FACE! If you wanted a cake for your oh so special kid's birthday THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU WAIT UNTIL THE DAY OF THE PARTY?! Can I make you a cake? NO I CANNOT! The best I can do is write the kid's name on the cake. YES THEY'RE FROZEN! We're not as lucky as Wal-Mart as to have five decorators on staff to constantly fill and refill the cake cake. SO WE MAKE DO! So you either get a frozen cake I made yesterday or YOU GET NO CAKE AT ALL!
And to the lady who ordered the cake with pink and blue snowflakes. Oh? They don't look like snowflakes? WELL I DID MY FUCKING BEST! I SAID I WOULD DO MY FUCKING BEST WHEN YOU ORDERED! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT FROM A GROCERY STORE BAKERY DAMMIT!
*snap*
Oh...there it goes.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Mother Bears
Let me explain the Mother Bear to you. They are often Mothers around the age of 25-35 with either very young children or children reaching a milestone such as 16th or 18th birthday. Roughly half of them will pre-order ahead of time because they put actual thought into planning the party. Just speaking with them you have the innate feeling that if you mess up the cake in any way shape or form this lady will smite you. This is something I have come to accept. However, the most dreaded time is when I get a Mother Bear who waited till the LAST possible moment to get a cake and then throws a bitch-fit over not getting the perfect cake for their kid's BIG SPECIAL DAY! Obviously it wasn't so important that you couldn't call ahead.
Another reason I an scared of these Mother Bears is because YOU CANNOT PLEASE THEM. I get asked constantly to do three tiered cakes in fondant for less than $20 last minute. Alright, three things here Mommy Dearest:
1) We cannot do three tiers. I have to specially order the sizes and we need a week's notice and because they're intended for wedding cakes, they're uber expensive.
2.) We do not carry fondant. This is a grocery store bakery. GROCERY STORE BAKERY. We are the equivalent of fast food in the baked goods industry.
3.) If we did have tiered caked and if we did have fondant it would certainly cost more than $20. And yes you can pay with food stamps.
I am now becoming very wary of nice men who come in to order cakes. Because 9/10 times there is an angry wife behind them.
I feel for these guys, I really do. They'll have messed up somehow on the order and I will get a call from an irate mother asking me what their husbands ordered and then proceed to have a freak out over the fact that the cake ordered is not what she wants for her kid's party and her ire will be directed at both me and her Husband who was really sweet and nice. Mother bears, beware the mother bears. Especially those wearing Prada.
Case in point, the lady who I spoke with yesterday. I was not the one who took the original order, but my Boss told me 'he was a nice guy, just wanted a pirate theme for his little boy'. I was really excited to do this cake because 1) I love pirates, and 2) It was for a baby's 1rst birthday. Baby pirates omigoshsqueeee!
I don't have anything pirate theme that would be appropriate for a baby so I did a beach scene with ocean waves and a treasure chest with X marks the spot on it to make it look like a treasure map. About an hour before the cake is to be picked up I got a call from a pissed off Mom. She asked if we gave free smash cakes (a small cake for the baby to tear into) and I said yes. We have premade small smash cakes we give away for free and then if they want the smash cake to match the larger cake, we charge for the cake. She was irate over the plainness of the premade free cakes and demanded one that matched the cake and that it was SUPPOSED to be ordered by her husband. I told her I had no record of a smash cake on the order form and it would be around 2:30 before I would be able to get one decorated because of all the orders I had. I am the only decorator and I cannot accommodate last minute orders, especially not on a Saturday! She was not happy with me, but said that 2:30 would do. So I try to get my orders out of the way so I could do the smash cake. I did the waves on top with a "1" on it. Smash cakes aren't hard really, they're just very tedious to do and really easy to mess up.
So the lady comes to pick the cake up and doesn't say anything about the cake itself, which I usually take as a bad sign, but I am ready to defend my position if she throws a fit. But she didn't and left without complaints and I assured her the smash cake would be ready for her later. At 2:30 a girl comes in (her daughter maybe?) to pick the smash cake up. She asks if she just goes on through with it and I tell her no, you need to pay for it first. She looks confused and says 'It's suppose to be free, though.'
FFFFFFFFFF-
Another reason I an scared of these Mother Bears is because YOU CANNOT PLEASE THEM. I get asked constantly to do three tiered cakes in fondant for less than $20 last minute. Alright, three things here Mommy Dearest:
1) We cannot do three tiers. I have to specially order the sizes and we need a week's notice and because they're intended for wedding cakes, they're uber expensive.
2.) We do not carry fondant. This is a grocery store bakery. GROCERY STORE BAKERY. We are the equivalent of fast food in the baked goods industry.
3.) If we did have tiered caked and if we did have fondant it would certainly cost more than $20. And yes you can pay with food stamps.
Now just imagine she had a head of snakes and rays of fire shooting from her eyes...
I am now becoming very wary of nice men who come in to order cakes. Because 9/10 times there is an angry wife behind them.
I feel for these guys, I really do. They'll have messed up somehow on the order and I will get a call from an irate mother asking me what their husbands ordered and then proceed to have a freak out over the fact that the cake ordered is not what she wants for her kid's party and her ire will be directed at both me and her Husband who was really sweet and nice. Mother bears, beware the mother bears. Especially those wearing Prada.
Case in point, the lady who I spoke with yesterday. I was not the one who took the original order, but my Boss told me 'he was a nice guy, just wanted a pirate theme for his little boy'. I was really excited to do this cake because 1) I love pirates, and 2) It was for a baby's 1rst birthday. Baby pirates omigoshsqueeee!
I don't have anything pirate theme that would be appropriate for a baby so I did a beach scene with ocean waves and a treasure chest with X marks the spot on it to make it look like a treasure map. About an hour before the cake is to be picked up I got a call from a pissed off Mom. She asked if we gave free smash cakes (a small cake for the baby to tear into) and I said yes. We have premade small smash cakes we give away for free and then if they want the smash cake to match the larger cake, we charge for the cake. She was irate over the plainness of the premade free cakes and demanded one that matched the cake and that it was SUPPOSED to be ordered by her husband. I told her I had no record of a smash cake on the order form and it would be around 2:30 before I would be able to get one decorated because of all the orders I had. I am the only decorator and I cannot accommodate last minute orders, especially not on a Saturday! She was not happy with me, but said that 2:30 would do. So I try to get my orders out of the way so I could do the smash cake. I did the waves on top with a "1" on it. Smash cakes aren't hard really, they're just very tedious to do and really easy to mess up.
So the lady comes to pick the cake up and doesn't say anything about the cake itself, which I usually take as a bad sign, but I am ready to defend my position if she throws a fit. But she didn't and left without complaints and I assured her the smash cake would be ready for her later. At 2:30 a girl comes in (her daughter maybe?) to pick the smash cake up. She asks if she just goes on through with it and I tell her no, you need to pay for it first. She looks confused and says 'It's suppose to be free, though.'
FFFFFFFFFF-
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